


Regret

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Mention of Death, some other sad things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2015-04-10
Packaged: 2018-03-22 04:49:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3715663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even today I regret my actions. It was the first time I had ever been truly angry at Rose Quartz.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regret

For the past week, everything was incredibly awkward.

No one at all had dared to speak to me much. If they had, they would never look me in the eyes. Rose, out of all the gems, had seemed to speak to me the least. She had kept quiet, and when she would look at me or look into my eyes, I could see that she felt sorry for me. I had always been able to read her well ever since I had truly fallen in love with her, so I knew she did.

I think they’re all hiding something from me, Rose especially. It might be my fault, but that does not subdue my feelings of betrayal.

I just want to talk to them again without having to feel guilty anymore. I miss Rose and I’s long talks and our hugs and our content feeling of pure love in every word we spoke. I miss Amethyst and I’s slight bickering. 

What were they hiding? What had I done wrong?

I had been done with it after that week. Done with being ignored and lied to.

After our mission, Rose had made sure that Garnet had securely trapped the monster and had a little “rest in peace” ceremony, as she always does. Amethyst sat and watched her, ready to support her if she had cried. She knew that there was no way to help them, which was why she would constantly do these. Never had she been fond of us trapping the creatures, but I had a feeling she knew there was no other way. 

Once she was done, she left Garnet and Amethyst, and then began to walk into her room. Before the door closed, I quietly snuck in. She walked a bit farther, not bothering to summon anything.

Suddenly, she turned back to face me without looking me in the eyes, as if she knew I was there the whole time. “Did you need something, Pearl?” Something was off with her voice, it was distant. It sounded just like everyone else’s.

I straightened up, my face feeling hot, “Why won’t anybody look at me anymore, Rose? Have I done something wrong again?”

Her eyes darted to mine in a panicked way, most likely taken back by my question. She had a pained expression yet again.

I started towards her, “Rose?”

My feet carefully moved me to in front of her. I took her hands, which were laying on her stomach, and looked up into her eyes. Quickly, she looked away from me.

“I-Is there something wrong with me?” My strained voice said, slowly stroking her hand. It felt like there was a lump in my throat. I can’t cry, not in front of Rose, but she was always able to cry in front of me. I watched as tears began to build up in her eyes, her head jerking to say ‘no.’ Slowly, she grabbed hold of my hands and placed them on her stomach and looked her in the eyes.

“My Pearl, you have done nothing wrong,” she managed to say. Rose took a gasp, as if she was preparing herself on what she was about to say.

“You do remember Greg?”

I nodded, remembering the little concerts Rose and him would have, the occasional visits he would pay, and Amethyst and his’ obsession with that nonsensical television show, Little Butler.

“Well, Pearl,” she said, “We had fallen in love. This love was beyond what I had ever felt before, much more than my relationships with Garnet, Amethyst, humans, and even you, Pearl.”

She squeezed my hands.

“I loved him so much that, well, I wanted to create something with him. I contemplated it for a while and even studied more on humans, and what fascinating creatures they are. I decided that Ito birth a child.”

What? She’s a crystal gem, she can’t possibly-

“I did this in a way no other gem has ever seen before, and after a few tries it had finally worked. We created something extraordinary, a half-human, half-gem creature living and growing inside of me.”

She removed my hands from her stomach and placed them on my face, hers on top of mine.

“Greg and I, we made an experience, Pearl.”

I looked into her eyes. Why is she just now telling me this?

Her hands dropped from mine, “But, Pearl, I can no longer be with you. Complications were made, and no matter what I tried I could not stay to raise him. I won’t ever be able to exist with him, my baby Steven.”

Nothing had ever happened to me so quickly, nothing had ever been told to me so quickly. I could feel my entire existence crumble just a small bit. I could feel everything around me taking a turn, nothing would ever be the same, would it? How will I live without her. How will I live without my love? My eyes darted downwards, away from her. I can’t stand to look at her anymore.

“Pearl, you will see me change. Over the course of around eight or so months, now, my stomach will grow bigger, and I will grow weaker. This is because every bit of who I am is being put into Steven. Every time Steven feels something, I will be there. When he feels happy, it will be me loving him, and loving being him.”

She brought my chin up, forcing me to face her. I could feel the tears beginning to roll down my eyes.

“Towards my last minutes of life, when I will hardly be able to move, I want you to know that I love you, Pearl. Don’t ever think that this is a form of betrayal, or this will ever hurt you. I love you, and I am sure that Steven will love you even more.”

Her hands brushed the tears off of my face.

“Don’t ever give up, Pearl. Don’t ever give up on Steven, do you hear me? Just because I will no longer be there does not change anything. You continue your existence, even without me.”

I stood there, her hands still wiping my tears away, my body in a curled almost fetal position. I couldn’t move.

“R-Rose,” I said between tiny gasps and sobs, “Why did you never tell me? Why did I never know?”

She cupped my face, “Because I knew how much it would crush you, Pearl.”

I was the one she told everything to.

I can’t take this anymore. I jerked away. I looked at her for one last time, and shook my head. Everything I had ever done was for her, we had shared moments that nobody else could ever share. Not Greg, not Garnet, and definitely not this “Steven.”

The most important thing in my existence was now going to perish. The reason why I stay on this planet will be gone.

My eyes look at her one more time, her face obviously heart. I turn my back to her and slowly stumble away. I couldn’t even hold my own weight up anymore. Every move I would make would result in me tripping or jerking to the side. I couldn’t even hold up my human form anymore.

I took one last step, and my legs finally gave in. My entire body crumbled to the ground. She caught me, though. I remember her gasp as she caught me, how perfect even something like that could sound. Slowly she sat us down on the pink-clouded ground, holding me in her arms.

I hit her over and over again, just slightly, during my sobs.

“Leave me alone. Please leave me alone,” was all I could repeat over and over in between my hits and my sobs.

Sitting there at that moment, all I could think about was how she was going to die. My love was going to die. Every day I’ll have to know she’s not there, I’ll have to face some creature that isn’t her. That’s why, during that time, I couldn’t even stand to face her. To know that she would be gone was such a heartbreaking thought.

She embraced me tighter, whispering my name just slightly. I had let every feeling go, every emotion that I had built up in the past one thousand years be released.

Even today I regret my actions. It was the first time I had ever been truly angry at Rose Quartz.

**Author's Note:**

> w ow im sorry ??? i never really planned on making this, and i don't even ship pearl and rose.


End file.
